


You Are Not Alone

by DarkPilot



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M, Original First Name
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-19 09:07:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5961808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkPilot/pseuds/DarkPilot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No you don't know what its like<br/>When nothing feels alright<br/>You don't know what its like to be like me<br/>To be hurt, to feel lost<br/>To be left out in the dark<br/>To be kicked when you're down<br/>To feel like you've been pushed around<br/>To be on the edge of breaking down<br/>And no one there to save you<br/>No you don't know what its like<br/>Welcome to my life</p><p>But Hux does understand Kylo and what he's going through.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Are Not Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Song in summary, "Welcome to My Life" by Simple Plan  
> Characters belong to Lucasfilm, story belongs to me  
> Hogust Slotauv's "Mustafar", based on Gustav Holst's "Mars: The Bringer of War"

**You Are Not Alone**

 

There were only three colours that day - the white of the snow and of Kylo Ren’s paling complexion, the black of his robes and hair, and the dark red of his blood. 

It was almost ironic, then, that General of the First Order Dominic Hux matched his rival in terms of colour. White for his also paling skin, black for his militaristic uniform and overcoat, and red for his slicked-back hair and the insignia on his shoulders.

Hux had always loathed Ren - it was no secret. He loathed the childish tantrums, hated the fake superiority that radiated from the masked figure, seethed at the thought of Ren’s mockingly dark tones, distorted by the slitted mask.  _ He _ had never had to crawl up the ranks of the First Order, to endure and fight his his way to power.  _ He _ had never struggled in his position, never feared disrespect, never worried about losing his rank. Blasted Kylo Ren, Snoke’s favourite apprentice and personal  _ dog, _

Hux, however, saw none of that in the prone figure lying in the snow before him. It wasn’t the first time Hux had seen Ren without his mask by far, but it was the first time he’d seen Ren look so . . . peaceful . . .

_ Vulnerable _ , his military-trained mind corrected.  _ Not peaceful, but vulnerable.  _

And indeed, the Knight of Ren  _ did  _ look vulnerable. Snow dotted his hair like tiny stars, the purity and whiteness of it almost matching the pallor of Ren’s angular face. A large cut sliced across the right side of his face, burned and bloody and barely grazing the bottom of his eye. Hux couldn’t see any other visible wounds, but judging from the crimson snow Ren lay in, the dark warrior was obviously seriously injured.

Hux considered, briefly, just leaving Ren there to die. Hell, he was probably half-dead already!

Kneeling by the prone form and careful not to get any blood on his uniform, Hux sighed and peeled off one of his gloves. He brushed dark strands of hair aside and pressed two fingers against Ren’s neck to check for a pulse.

_ Kriff, his hair is soft.  _ The thought entered Hux’s mind before he could stop it.  _ Do your job, Hux. _

The pulse was weak, but it was there. Faint and uneven, but it was proof that Ren was still alive. 

Hux motioned to the stormtroopers behind him. “Commander Ren’s in critical condition. Bring him along carefully.”

One stormtrooper unfolded a stretcher, which two others loaded Kylo Ren onto. Letting them take the lead, Hux trailed behind, taking one last glance at the crimson patch of snow where the Knight of Ren had once laid.

 

*** * * * ***

Kylo Ren had been immediately rushed to the medbay of the  _ Finalizer _ , many troopers and officers alike catching glimpses of his normally concealed face. Hux followed closely behind at a brisk pace, shooing off any subordinate who tried to get too close.

Within minutes, various medical droids had hooked up Ren to vital monitors and several other machines Hux didn’t know the name for. Curtains were drawn up around his bed as one of the droids carefully removed his outer robe, revealing a large hole in Ren’s side, a jagged gash on the left side of his collarbone, and several bruises and cuts that interrupted the blood-drained, finely pronounced muscles of Ren’s torso. 

Hux mentally slapped himself.  _ Quit staring, Hux. Keep it professional.  _

To the droid, he asked, “Will he be alright?”

“I am quite certain we can save him, sir,” the droid replied. “We may not be able to prevent some scarring, and it is possible that due to nervous damage along his left side, Commander Ren may lose the use of that arm.”

Hux gritted his teeth and resisted the urge to knot his gloved hands in his neatly gelled hair. “Anything else?”

“I believe that is all, sir,” the droid replied, either oblivious to Hux’s frustration or incapable of an appropriate reaction.

“Do your job, then,” Hux ordered. “Send for me when he wakes.”

“Yes, sir.” The medical droid turned back to Ren’s unmoving, bloody body, and began applying kolto in a standard surgical procedure.

Hux placed his cap firmly on his head to discourage himself from agitatedly ruffling his red hair. Snoke was  _ not _ going to be pleased.

He stalked down the corridors of the  _ Finalizer _ until he reached his private quarters. Resuming his well-paced stalk, Hux shut the door, removed his overcoat and cap, and continued to pace around his room. 

Though not uncomfortably small, the general’s room was not large enough to build up the kind of stalk that could be sported in the long corridors of the Star Destroyer. Nevertheless, Hux resumed his stalk with unparallelled tenacity. For some reason, he couldn’t shake the thought of Kylo Ren from his mind.

Hux paused his stalking long enough to find some music on his datapad. Music and thinking were a good combination for the redhaired general. After a few moments of searching and scrolling, Hogust Slotauv’s  _ Planets Suite _ blasted out of the device, and Hux matched the steps of his stalk to  _ Mustafar. _

All that work, all the effort into Starkiller Base - all for nothing. The size of the First Order had been cut in half, his pride and joy had been demolished, and Kylo Ren may or may not make a full recovery.

Great.

A knock came on Hux’s door and he quickly shut off  _ Mustafar _ . Ren couldn’t be awake  _ already _ , could he?

As it turned out, the visit had nothing to do with Kylo Ren. A single stormtrooper saluted him. “General Hux, sir!”

“What is it, soldier?” Hux asked tiredly. 

“We have information regarding the pilot who led the attack on Starkiller Base and subsequently destroyed it, sir,” the trooper reported. “His name is Poe Dameron, sir.”

“Dameron . . .” Hux rubbed his forehead. “That’s the name of the Resistance pilot the traitor helped escape.”

“Yes, sir,” the trooper affirmed.

“Stang,” Hux cursed. “First, FN-2187 costs us a TIE fighter, now he costs us a planet destroyer.”

The trooper, perhaps wisely, did not say anything.

“Did you know him?” Hux blurted out.

“Sir?” The stormtrooper was obviously taken aback as well.

“I asked you a question, soldier.” Hux forced his features into a practiced, cold expression. “I expect you to answer it.”

“Yes, sir!” the trooper responded hastily. “Apologies, sir. I _did_ know FN-2187. We were squadmates, sir.”  
“And your number?”

“FN-2199, sir.”

Hux nodded briefly. “Very well, then, FN-2199. Tell the boys up at Command to add Poe Dameron to the list of wanted Resistance officers. Make his capture or proof of death a goal, but not a current priority.”

“Yes, sir.” FN-2199 saluted and paused, so quickly that one might not have caught the hesitation. But Hux did.

“Well?” Hux asked coldly. “Is there anything else you’d like to add, soldier?”

Hux wasn’t sure, but the face behind the white and black helmet seemed to be smiling. “Were you perhaps . . . listening to Slotauv’s  _ Mustafar _ , sir?”

Hux was slightly surprised by the question, but he couldn’t suppress the small smile that ghosted his features. “You recognize the suite, then? Consider me impressed.”

“Thank you, sir,” the trooper said quickly, almost with embarrassment. Without any dismissal, FN-2199 walked away a little too briskly.

Hux returned to his bed and resumed the  _ Planets Suite. _ To pass the time, he decided to read. Not for informative purposes, just for leisure. Before he knew it, however, the floating melodies of  _ Geonosis _ had lulled him to a light slumber.

* * * * *

 

Hux did not know what hour is was when he woke, but a few messages were waiting for him on his comlink. The one about Kylo Ren quickly caught his attention, and he dressed hurriedly (but still neatly). He emerged from his quarters and made his way to the medbay.

“How is -” he began, but the same medical droid from earlier interrupted him.

“Commander Ren reacted badly to the treatments, sir,” the droid reported dutifully. “We had him moved to -”

“What do you mean, ‘reacted badly’?” Hux demanded, a flurry of anxiety building in his stomach. “He’s still alive, right?”

“Of course, of course, sir,” the droid said hurriedly. “I only meant that once he woke up and saw the effects of the amputation -”

“ _ What?! _ ” Hux’s icy demeanor vanished, to be replaced with a burning fury. “ _ Amputation?! _ ”

“The nerves in Commander Ren’s left arm were too badly damaged by hypothermia, frostbite, cauterization, and excessive internal bleeding,” the droid explained. “We saw it necessary to remove the limb while he was still unconscious. It will be possible to fit him with a prosthetic arm, er, when he . . . calms down, sir.”

Hux ran a hand through his hair, a low growl building in his throat. He forced himself to keep the anger on the inside. Things just kept getting worse! Snoke was definitely  _ not _ going to be pleased. Hell, that would be the understatement of the year! Snoke would be furious, outraged, need he continue?

Hux forced himself to keep his tone even. “Where is he now?”

“We sedated him and managed to move him to Detention Cell 4089,” the droid replied. “Commander Ren was completely out of control and -”

“ _ Detention cell?” _ Hux grit his teeth.

“Yes, sir,” the medical droid repeated patiently. “Number 4089.”

_ This just keeps getting better and better,  _ Hux thought to himself as he called an escort and stalked toward the detention block.

Angry noises came from cell 4089. Ordering his troopers to stand outside with their weapons set to stun and  _ absolutely no interference unless otherwise directed, _ Hux took a deep breath and stormed into the room.

He’d opened his mouth to deliver a belligerent speech when Hux realized the state Kylo Ren was in. Ren’s dark eyes were bloodshot and wild, his shirtless torso bound in bloodied bandages, and his single hand was shaking terribly. He sat on the cold metal bunk inside the padded cell, and he was trembling all over, the wild look of a hunted animal in his eyes.

With a jolt, General Hux realized that Kylo Ren was _ afraid, _

Hux slowly approached his former rival. “Hey, Ren. It’s me, it’s Hux.” He shut the door behind him and stood in front of Ren’s shaking form.

Ren didn’t reply, but seemed to calm down slightly. The crazed wildness in his eyes slowly gave way to a characteristic glower.

“Do you mind if I sit down?” Hux asked. Ren did not sneer or make any snide remarks as he slid to one side.

After an awkward pause, Hux sighed and removed his overcoat, draping it over Ren’s shivering figure. “Don’t freeze to death, you idiot.”

Ren glared at Hux, and the redhaired officer felt a sudden pain behind his eyes, letting out a small noise of surprise.

“Thanks,” Hux said dryly. Ren did not respond. Another long moment passed before Hux quipped, “So, who talks first? Do I talk first? Do you talk first?”

Ren stiffened.  _ Don’t do that. _

Hux had heard the sound of Ren’s voice clearly, yet the other man’s mouth had not moved.  _ How - ? _

_ There are many things I can do with the Force, General. Hearing your obnoxious thoughts is the least of my abilities, _ Ren’s disembodied voice retorted.

“So, you can read my mind?” Hux frowned.

Ren made an exasperated noise.  _ The mind is not an open book, Hux. One cannot ‘read’ it. One can hear noisy thoughts should they be projected for any sensible being to hear. _

“I’m glad my thoughts annoy you,  _ Commander _ ,” Hux retorted, annoyed. “At least you kept this cell in one piece.”

_ They confiscated my lightsaber. _

Hux didn’t know why, but he suddenly had the urge to laugh at Kylo Ren’s moodiness. It started as a low hitching sound that he tried to force down his throat, with no success. He hadn’t laughed like that in . . . forever.

_ What’s so funny? _ Ren asked, but Hux could see the corners of the dark warrior’s mouth twitching in an attempt to hide a smile, the hunched shoulders shaking, this time not from fear or cold.

Hux regained his composure. “We have the name of the pilot who launched the attack on Starkiller Base and fired the final shot. It’s Poe Dameron, the same Resistance pilot the traitor helped escape.”

Ren’s expression was unreadable, an amalgamation of hate and anger and something else . . .  regret? Sadness? Hux wasn’t sure what coursed through the Knight of Ren’s mind, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to find out.

He decided to change the subject. “So, erm, how are you feeling?”

“I don’t know,” Ren admitted, speaking for real this time. “It just feels so .  . . empty . . . so missing . . .”

_ I know how you feel, _ Hux thought.

“No, you don’t,” Ren said bitterly. “Losing a leg is not the same as losing an arm, General.”

Hux didn’t even begin to question how Ren knew about his condition, hidden from his fellow officers and subordinates, erased from the medical records. Instead, he only replied, “They say that the rest of you recovers, they’ll fit you with a prosthetic.”

Ren ran a hand through his hair. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“It wasn’t,” Hux agreed. After hesitating a moment, he added, “Er, I heard Snoke say that you’d be facing some kind of test on Starkiller Base . . .”

“You  _ overheard _ ,” Ren corrected, “and I don’t want to talk about it.”

_ That bad, huh? _

Hux could have sworn that he saw Ren flinch, but the movement was so quick, he doubted the dark warrior had moved at all.

“Snoke’ll be pissed for sure,” Hux commented.

Ren gave him a hint of a wry smile. “ ‘Pissed’ doesn’t even begin to cover it.”

The two sat in silence for a while. hux felt strange. Here he was, with a man, who, by yesterday, he’d considered a rival, but now, there was some sort of unagreed truce between them. It was almost nice, Hux concluded. He briefly wondered if Ren felt the same way.

“No,” Ren said sourly, almost pouting. “I do not.”

Hux wasn’t always good at talking to people, but he was brilliant at reading them, thanks to the years in the military academy and of training from his father. He sensed some kind of strong emotion radiating from Ren, threatening to explode like a Mustafarian volcano.

“Ren,” he said, using the authoritative voice he normally saved for slacking officers. “What’s wrong?”

“Why do you care?” Ren asked bitterly.

“As your colleague, fellow officer, and General of the First Order, I’ve noticed you have  _ very _ destructive tendencies,” Hux responded flatly. “This  _ is _ my ship, you know, and to prevent any more damage than necessary, I feel like it would be wise to take whatever blasphemous emotions you have out in a way  _ other _ than swinging your damned lightsaber around my Star Destroyer!”

Both men seemed stunned by Hux’s outburst, so unlike the calmness and control that Hux normally exerted.

“I killed a man,” Ren whispered hoarsely. “Snoke promised it would make me stronger, but it didn’t. It just - it -” He buried his face in his hand, unable to continue.

“But you’ve killed before.” Instantly, Hux knew it was the wrong thing to say as Ren’s eyes smoldered. The dark warrior’s hand passed over the general’s forehead, and Hux was hit with a flood of memories, all connected to a single word.

_ Father _ .

Hux tried to keep his expression neutral. Kylo Ren stood and paced the cell in frustration. No, not frustration.

Grief. 

“Ren -” Hux began, but the glare from the onyx eyes silenced him.  _ You never said you came from the Resistance. _

_ It doesn’t matter, _ Ren’s telepathic voice was low and dark.  _ I wouldn’t go back if I had the choice. _

_ What about your mother? _

Hux felt a choking sensation around his throat and tried to pry the invisible force from his neck with no success.

_ I have no mother.  _ Ren’s eyes blazed and his voice echoed around the room in unmistakable fury.  _ Leia Organa is no family to me. _

Ren stopped the choking sensation abruptly and Hux gasped for air.  _ There is no family waiting for me in the Resistance. _ Ren didn’t sound very convinced, however, and Hux pointed this out.

“Why do you care so much?” Ren sneered. “Going to exploit me to your faithful legions? Snoke already knows, so he has nothing to gain from your pathetic mewling.”

“You had a friend, didn’t you?” Hux noted. “Back home?”

Ren stiffened and Hux sighed. “Some of us  _ do _ have people-reading skills, you know.”

“What gave it away?” Ren asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” Hux replied stonily, echoing Ren’s earlier sentiment. “You miss her, don’t you?”

“Him,” Ren corrected quietly. “He used to be like my brother.”

“Do you mind me asking what happened?” Hux queried.

Ren’s expression didn’t change. “I don’t like to think about him.”

“Oh,” Hux said, The friend must have died, then, he concluded.

“His name is Poe Dameron,” Ren said bitterly. “That’s what happened.”

“Wait - what -” Hux stammered, the shock evident in his tone and on his face. “Poe Dameron? The Poe Dameron who blew up Starkiller Base?”

“How many other Poe Damerons do you know in the galaxy?” Ren snarled. “Yes, it’s the same one!”

“Well, sorry!” Hux snapped back with equal ferocity. “It’s not every day you realize that your colleague and semi-rival consorted with the same pilot who destroyed our superweapon!”

The metal bunk suddenly began to twist violently, and Hux stood abruptly. Ren continued to manipulate the metal, rushing it with his mind as though it were made of paper.Hux stared, slack-jawed, as Ren’s fury manifested itself in the bunk’s destruction. Ren himself did not move, but he ripped Hux’s overcoat from his bandaged shoulders and Force-threw it into Hux’s face.

We. Didn’t.  _ Consort, _ ” Ren growled dangerously. Stretching his hand over the general’s forehead again, another stream of memories flew past Hux’s eyes, memories of friendship and brotherhood.

One memory, however,  lingered.

Hux recognized the interior of one of the interrogation rooms, and he saw Dameron strapped to the metal frame through Ren’s eyes. He felt the tension and turmoil between the two men as each wanted, needed, the other to break first, the hopelessness in the pilot’s glistening eyes mirrored by the unseen anguish behind the mask, the final and unspoken farewell.

“Gods, Ren . . .” Hux stepped towards Ren’s quivering body. “I didn’t know.”

“Get the hell away from me,” Ren said, his voice sinisterly quiet.

Bravely, or perhaps stupidly, Hux placed a gloved hand on Ren’s undamaged arm. “Ren . . . look . . .”

Ren snatched his arm away, recoiling from Hux’s touch. “I said,  _ get the hell away from me!” _ He took a step back and gestured to the crumpled remains of the bunk. “I can break you as easily as the metal there, Hux. It’s better for you to leave while you can.”

Hux stood his ground and inhaled deeply. 

“Do you really think you’re the only one who’s ever suffered around here?” he asked softly. “Don’t you think some of us have sorrows of our own? Do you need to sift through my mind to know what  _ I’ve  _ been through, Ren? My father beat me from childhood into a cold, unfeeling soldier. The only family I ever had just treated me like some other cadet, never good enough for him. I wasn’t allowed to have friends. I never had anyone to talk to. You have no idea what I went through just so I could sit in the uniform I’m wearing today, how much I had to work for it so I could prove to my sociopathic father that I was actually worth something. Lost a leg in a fight. Lost my father in the line of duty. Lost Starkiller to the Resistance. But that’s just part of it, isn’t it, Ren? The sacrifices? The losing? That’s what we’re supposed to get used to, isn’t it?”

Hux paused, a smile stretching sickeningly across his features. “All my life, I’ve had to handle things by myself. I’ve had to survive things alone.” He approached Ren until their faces almost touched. “But  _ you _ aren’t alone, Kylo.”

Ren stiffened slightly at Hux’s use of his first name, and became completely rigid as Hux’s arms found their way around his torso.

“You aren’t alone,” Hux repeated. “I’m here.”

Ren was still for a moment longer as the simple pair of words struck him. Slowly, uncertainly, his arms wrapped around Hux’s shoulders and his forehead dropped onto the general’s collarbone. Hux gently stroked Ren’s soft black hair as the Knight of Ren spilled all the buried anguish and pain into his shoulder, all the while repeating the simple mantra.  _ You aren’t alone. _

Finally, Ren looked up. “Thank you, Hux.”

“Dominic,” Hux corrected.

“What?”

“My first name,” Hux explained. “It’s Dominic. When it’s just the two of us, I think we can make this a little personal, don’t you think?”

“Dominic.” Kylo Ren tested the syllables on his tongue. “That’s personal enough for me. I’m Kylo.”

“I know,” Hux responded, and the two faces inched closer . . . closer. . . 

Outside the door of Detention Cell 4089, one stormtrooper passed ten credits to his fellow guard.


End file.
